No posts for a while - offline emergency. Keep checking, browse through the archives and hope to be back with you soon.

Love and Peace. Mx

STRETCHHEADS: BARBED ANAL EXCITER 10" - Blast First, 1991

... as the title of this ten-incher implies, what excites one man can repulse another and proof comes rudely in the shape and sound of Glasgow/Paisley's STRETCHHEADS.

Like fellow 'weegies DAWSON and their GRUFF WIT label and Edinburghers DOG FACED HERMANS and ARCHBISHOP KEBAB, there was an active microscene of bands for a short time in Scotland who were excessively inspired by the manic and abrasive gtr/bass/ drum attack of Manchester's last great band, the legendary BIG FLAME - the reasons why may never be known.

Marion from DFH said in an interview with ABLAZE! magazine that when she first saw Big Flame, she "never thought you could play so fast"; the interviewer noted wryly that she hoped that they never saw NAPALM DEATH. Fair to say that Strechheads did and indeed do sound like a forceful shunt of The 'Flame and The 'Death, but not under controlled laboratory conditions; crucially they had the antagonist wildcard of singer and psychiatric nurse Phil AKA P6.

I saw 'em twice, at a Country 'n' Western dancehall with DANDELION ADVENTURE in Preston in 1990 and I guess the year after that at a remarkably bad WIRE (or WIR as they were then, as Robert Gotobed was busy farming in Wales) gig at the Clapham Grand in London. The latter was a so-bad-it-was-funny artwank yawnfest. After much ballix, 'Wir' were a boring mess, followed by the HAFLER TRIO, whose 'Appearance' was announced by their name being projected on the back wall of the stage. There was no-one on stage, in fact nothing on stage at all and all that could be heard was a hum. Not a drone or even a soundscape, mind - just a hum.

After a while, as the hum continued, the Stretchheads carried their equipment on stage and set up - drumkit, backline, everything - from scratch, not plugged into the Big Venue PA. P6, dressed as he was in a silver puffa jacket and troosers, delighted at being given a fancy cordless microphone, pulled out a condom he just happened to have and used the mike as an ersatz penis to give the diminishing audience a straightforward and sensible talk on safe sex and the correct way of condom placement. Then they lit rip and it was hilarious and awesome. They pricked the bubble!

BAE ain't their best - their masterpiece of stupidity, "FIVE FINGERS, FOUR THINGERS A THUMB A FACELIFT AND A NEW IDENTITY" album is the stunner, described most accurately by FORCED EXPOSURE as a "Vengeful attack on sensetive creativity". It has a great cover of an arm sticking out of a fireplace surrounded by the charred gloop of the rest of the body of the victim of Spontaneous Human Combustion. I'd been getting the urge to hear it again, hoping it would still sound as good today. And praise be, it does! Here it is at X-RAY BBQ blog, as tipped off by LEXICON DEVIL. Wahey!

crap pics of Stretchheads live in Preston, 09/90 from the personal archive:

Stool Freaks
Satan's Frog
New New Thing in Egypt
Anal Beard Wank System
Theme From The Movie - 'I Had an Extra Intestine'
What's the Hole For?

IDWAL FISHER Zine issues 7 & 8 plus MILOVAN SRDENOVIC, KYLIE MINOISE & OPAQUE

... IDWAL FISHER is an actual printed zine, A4 size, that lives and breathes for NOISE musik, real underground shit of the most puerile and profound kind. You'll remember the name as Mr Fisher released the excellent "THE FEEDING OF THE 2,079,211" cassette. When not listening this stuff at home, our man travels to see gigs in gallery spaces and dirty pubs all over this small island (and beyond) and then writes about it all in nicely conversational, matter-of-fact manner.

There are plenty of LOL lines and it's the journals of misadventure that are the live reviews which are my favourite, you'd almost wish you were in some shithole in the North of England, sick and dirty from booze and travel, watching people in masks waving knives and smashing pig's heads onstage. It's all Grist t'Mill at Idwal Fisher. There are no interviews, but the issues here focus on SMEGMA, RUNZELSTIRN & GURGELSTOCK, HAIR POLICE, THROBBING GRISTLE, 23 SKIDOO, KYLIE MINOISE and the NO FUN festival in New York. I'd imagine not all of the sounds covered would be to my own personal preferences, but so what.

Issue 8 is the last edition you'll be able to read in the bath unfortunately, but there's hope that IF will reappear online - it will be most welcome. They're rare birds now of course, actual zines, but self published labours of love, spreading the word, were always by their very nature a marginal pursuit. Fanzines were over back in my day according to people whose Heyday was yesterday. There are always people who've been there, done that, 'surprised' that 'people are still doing that'.

So, mail idwalfisher@dsl.pipex.com or write to PO Box 147, Cleckheaton, West Yorkshire BD19 6WY, UK if you need help.







I also got a few CDs by a bunch of current upstarts favoured by Mr Fisher. He released the performance executed by MILOVAN SRDENOVIC at The Pack Horse in Leeds back in 2002. It's really bad I'm afraid to say, with Srdenovic shouting ('Best Known' for being one of the stage-wrecking SMELL AND QUIM) over some half-baked looped samples. The reviews of his shows in IF sound most entertaining, but this isn't, not even a tune entitled 'Pig Stealing Blues'.

I think that KYLIE MINOISE is a solo project by one Lea Cummins of Glasgow. To commemorate the 20th anniversary of the release of NAPALM DEATH'S iconic track 'You Suffer', Mr Cummins has treated and stretched the two-second original into an hourlong hellstorm of digital noise where nothing happens at all, packaged in a poor facsimile of the "SCUM" LP cover. I suffered - but why? Good joke. Not KM's best apparently and I would hope so.

OPAQUE are an Aktion Unit of what used to be called "Guitar Terrorists" featuring Mr Cummins amongst others and 'THE CULT OF SURVIVORS" is a 4-CD set (!) of mostly live outtakes (!!) recorded between 97-07 (!!!). Bloody Hell. I'll admit I was daunted at the prospect, but this noise I like a lot.

They've a hefty, aggressively grim sound, a really fucking loud, vast rhythmless attack. Bleak and beautiful. Just guitars and whatever effects that make them sound like that - only a few times could I discern them being treated in a recognisable way. Most of the time it's a hellish ROAR given grisly horror-film titles like 'Consumating Axe' or 'Screams. Stabs. Aorta. Death.' On a par with perverse rockophiles as varied as DEAD C, JAZZFINGER, SKULLFLOWER, RAMLEH, AUFGEHOBEN, honest guv; if you like that kind of dirt you'll like this. Really nicely packaged, stark and sinister graphics and the CDRs look pro. Don't buy Black Metal, buy this! Noise ain't Dead!

The KYLIE MINOISE and OPAQUE CDs are both available from their label KOVORAX SOUND, which has all the graphics, info and sound samples you'll need.

OPAQUE looking sinister and cool (Pic taken from KOVORAX SOUNDS site)

BOLIDES OVER BRIGHTON

... quick Saturday night in and out to Brighton to see Neil Campbell AKA Astral Social Club (check previous posts elsewhere) play at the Westhill Community Centre just a skip from the station, where a bunch of crazy kids hire out the kind of place that usually hosts amateur drama and yoga classes for the elderly. Four quid in, a carry out from the Co-Op, arse on a hard School Chair. This is the sort of gig I like!

Was taken by surprise by how good the first bunch, BOLIDE AWKWARDSTRA were - they shook a really exciting free-jazz/rock kind of thing (more the former than the latter) with guitar and electronics, plenty drums and percussion, recorder and clarinet blowing. Checked out their MySpace since and I swear they're in a realm close to ALICE COLTRANE's 'Universal Consciousness', seriously - less stately and rougher round the edges than that I suppose, but genuinely 'out' and thrilling and dynamic. Striking while the mind was soft I've ordered some of their product so looking forward to hearing more of their vibes!

Next THE POLLY SHANG KUAN BAND made a fierce and subtle noise with shitloads of pedals and electronic gizmos and microphones, not quite my cuppa but non-generic and unpredictable - highly rated by Mr Campbell just so you know.

This wasn't an Astral Social Club set, it was a trio set conspired via the interweb along with local noisist DYLAN NYOUKIS and SPIDER STACEY (from THE POGUES!!!) using voices, reeds and tin whistles processed and accompanied by further gizmology - took a while to get going but really opened up into unhindered greasy sound once they hit their stride.

A totally bargain night of way-out, sophisticated music disguised by it's unpretentious delivery in a parochial setting (Note the hi-tech stage lighting in each pic) - You could pay ten times as much to see something ten times less interesting marketed as Culture at an Establishment venue in London, and they'd take your cider off ye. Swipes against The Man aside, it was a top night.

Fashion tip for the boys playing though, if yer bending over tables of equipment and picking up instruments off the floor you might not want to wear trousers that are already halfway down yer bum - there was more arsecrack onstage that night than a building site.

FFLAPS: Malltod LP - Probe Plus, 1990

... from the other Bangor, in Gwynedd in North Wales, not Bangor, County Down in Norn Iron (see the DFA posts here and here) came FFLAPS. How people laughed when they heard that name. I walked into a gig at the old Giro's centre in Belfast one night and there they were, making this great racket.

They came over twice, playing to a bunch of drunken punk weans in Giro's both times, and on one of those trips they played in Derry supporting SILVERFISH at St Eugene's Church Hall in the Bogside. Weird gig. I remember it mostly for the expertly-thrown (full) can of beer that hit my head as I was the only one dancing to 'em at first. Easy target. As the only responsible adult, Julia drove, with me, Rick, Dougie and Ronan as passengers. When we got back to Belfast in the small hours we were stopped five or six times at police checkpoints as people were dropped off around town, it was a real drag.

Looking at the interview with them (this is one of those posts), they helpfully described themselves as "...a rumbling, jumbling, humorous and tuneful racket... Polyrhythmic post-tonal abstract pop". With a basic rock trio line-up not playing rock exactly, they were tight and loose - Jonny's drumming was offbeat, fluid and funky and yes, danceable. Alan's basslines were of the solidly melodic kind that walk down the street without a care in the world, like Motown songs, African pop or closer to home and most recognisably, The Fall. Ann's "curious colloquial squak" (in Welsh) was melodic and slightly off-key and her thrashing strummed guitar style blurred 'rhythm' and 'lead' playing nicely, a punchy 'n' piquant sound of ace tuneage. Shame about the terrible cover! Looking for more online info, found out that sadly Jonny passed away in 2001, really young, how awful.

'Malltod' (meaning 'Decay') was originally released by the Liverpool shop/label PROBE PLUS (home of HALF MAN HALF BISCUIT amongst others), like their previous and not as good (if memory serves) 'Amhersian' LP. This isn't the full digital reissue - 'Cenedl Malwan', the last song on side one, sounded so terrible, even after checking for needle fluff buildup and rerecording, that it's been omitted. 'Cornwyd Pellaf', the slowest and most melancholic song on the album, still stuns every time I hear it.

It's still available (on last copies of vinyl only, so I guess there was never a CD version) here on ANKST RECORDS, so BUY NOW!!! along with their first single and what turned out to be the final, self-titled LP. I'm going to be getting these and releases by other Cymraeg outfits of the time PDQ, notably some early stuff by the fabulous GORKY'S ZYGOTIC MYNCI.

Here's a scan of the helpful insert for English speakers. Picture of the LP cover is taken from the Ankst website as I couldn't be arsed doing it myself this time.








Malltod
Hel Cnau
Gaeaf Yn Kragero
Pen Crwban
(Cenedl Malwan)
Corrach Cogfran
Cornwyd Pellaf
Pen Yn Y Nen
Nawfed

Bromley Library

... was visiting my parents today and on the way home went past the Central Library in Bromley (pictured, from the delightful Churchill Gardens). For those fortunate enough not to have visited there, Bromley is a none-more middle class suburb cum town centre in South-East London where I lived as a teen. I'd previously lived in a small country town so on moving there I was amazed by how stupid people sounded and in fact, for the most part, were. It has not changed. Nascent snob and yet-to-be-kissed gay ugly duckling indie boy that I was, I hated the place with teenage intensity.

The Library was the best thing about Bromley, save the branch of OUR PRICE RECORDS, a long-gone national chain which was actually pretty good until most things 'Alternative' were moved out for CDs. It shares it's civic building with the Churchill Theatre, a bastion of middlebrow pap best summed up by my English Teacher when we were being taught about the play LOOK BACK IN ANGER, when he said (to paraphrase) "This was a really revolutionary play in the 1950's. Before this, most English theatre was like what's shown at the Churchill now".

But the music section of the Central Library was great and supplemented my listening to Peel and reading the Melody Maker. Some heroic librarian was very clued up and amongst the Simple Minds, Mel and Kim, Phil Collins and other 80's horrors, I borrowed and taped classics such as:

'The Ideal Copy' by WIRE, not their best album but it led me to their classics, ditto for PERE UBU's 'The Tenement Year; SONIC YOUTH's 'Confusion is Sex' AND 'Sister' (Whoa!); EINSTUERZENDE NEUBATEN's 'Five off the open-ended Richter Scale' (Can't remember the German title offhand), which scared the hell out of me when I listened to it in the dark; 'Born Sandy Devotional' by THE TRIFFIDS, still one of my all time favourite albums; DIAMOND HEAD's 'Am I Evil' (ditto); NICK CAVE AND THE BAD SEEDS' 'From Her to Eternity' and 'Your Funeral my Trial'. The record I remember best from those shelves is SWANS' 'Holy Money'. It had a massive effect on me, I can still recall the shock and the sick thrill that horrible, gloomy noise had first time I listened to it. What an impact. For a nominal fee I also got stuff like THROWING MUSES, HUSKER DU, COCTEAU TWINS, they even had CHUMBWUMBA, CONFLICT and DEAD KENNEDYS (in a Public Library! Outrage in the News Shopper!).

By '89, before I left Bromley, it had declined somewhat as vinyl was replaced by CDs, which was no good to me at the time. I did manage to buy that precious copy of 'Holy Money' in a clearout sale though, and on my return in the late 90's got 'Forever Changes', SUN RA's 'The Singles' and the SILVER APPLES on those new-fangled CDs too, so there was still a progressive streak in the stock.

So thanks to the good public servants who helped in my musical education. As Mark E Smith once said, Pay yer Rates! Pay the Borough!

Get that Monster off the Stage

(Photo of Five Go Down to the Sea taken from the broadcast's website)

... is the title of a documentary about arguably the best Irish band of the 80's, FIVE GO DOWN TO THE SEA, formerly NUN ATTAX, finally BEETHOVEN. Originally broadcast on Cork Campus Radio in 2001 and again earlier this week to celebrate the 30th anniversary of Nun Attax'sseses first gig, it's now been archived online to listen to here.

It's a fine listen, another account of another time, another place; like the archived radio show on Louisville punk I heard recently (find the link in this previous post), the sublime accents recall a magical/shitty time when a bunch of people found Something New and went with it.

Singer Finbarr Donnelly was the focus of the band, a larger-than-life character who drowned swimming in the Serpentine lake in Hyde Park in London in 1989. He's the 'Monster' referred to in the title I guess, and it's a good title/quote from somewhere but that makes him sound nasty; 'Nutter', 'Eejit' or 'Gobshite' would be closer to the truth, if truth is even relevant to such an enigma. He was originally from Belfast, and though he "became more Cork than Cork people", you can hear that in his vocals, especially in lines that end in round, down or ground.

The cast includes fellow band members as well as Cork's most well-known musicians from the era, Sean O' Hagan and Cathal Coughlan from MICRODISNEY/ FATIMA MANSIONS/ THE HIGH LLAMAS, Mick Lynch from STUMP and even that well-known pundit John Robb of MEMBRANES/ GOLD BLADE fame. The band's story is also Cork's story, with it's heavy Class divide, bizarre humour, it's relation to Dublin (the classic superiority/inferiority complex of a 'Second City') and the fact that there was fuck-all there in the early 80s, like so many places, so The Five went over to London... to live in squats, hand-to-mouth.

So until the fucking sumptuous retrospective CD comes out, to hear their rubbery ryhthms and Donnelly's untutored croon, stay online and go to:

The excellent PHOENIX HAIRPINS blog posted the three 5GDTTS EPs here as well as the compilation GOOD MORNING MISTER PRESLEY, which features a live track amongst such lost 80's shamble as MICRODISNEY, MARC RILEY AND THE CREEPERS and a bunch more unknowns (to me at least). BEETHOVEN's sole EP can be found here. More to the point, as for the NUN ATTAX songs on the elusive-therefore-legendary 'KAUGHT AT THE KAMPUS' compilation LP of Cork bands from 1980, if you've a copy please get in touch - Swedish Nurse wants it yesterday!

Thanks to Davey for this one.